Things I learned on my summer vacation

I'm back, I'm brown, and I'm better than ever...

Here's a little of what I learned over my long weekend:

Matchlight is always better -- SPF 15 is completely adequate if you reapply when they tell you to -- Michael Jackson's early stuff played at loud volume can create a party anywhere at anytime, particularly "You Wanna Be Startin' Something" -- treading water is hard after a while and it makes your legs really sore -- people are stunned when women in bikinis try to grill -- dudes can make any lively pool game into a death match. A death match that I want to win -- 30-somethings can still do cannonballs -- chicken burgers are nowhere near as tasty as real burgers -- always buy more hotdogs than you think you'll need -- you can never buy too many beers -- mojitos make the world a better place -- it takes 24 hours for me to go from tense Megarita to relaxed Megarita - I can tell the difference when I'm sprawled on a pool lounger and I refuse to get up to open the sticky door and let friends into the pool area ("pull harder, you pansy!") -- don't leave the guac alone for a second or everyone will eat it all and leave you pouting at your beer and holding plates of raw meat -- I know all the words to a L'il Kim song and I enjoy singing said song -- do not belt out patriotic songs after screwdrivers -- pools are fun even on a cloudy day -- a ball will make any pool party even more fun and inspire grown-up versions of Calvin Ball -- never put your Ipod on random shuffle in the presence of people who really "care" about music (the shame is too great) -- make friends who bring homemade pies -- thank friends who don't show up to a BBQ with only a smile -- keep friends who know exactly where to go when you yell, "there are pies and twinkies on the lanai!" -- the early peaches are excellent this year, as are the seedless watermelon -- I have truly extraordinary friends who play well with others and make a 12 hour party fly by like a blink of an eye -- I haven't been able to stand upright for more than 10 minutes since my party, so that means it must have been a good time.