No Taming This Shrew


Exit pursued by bear...

I give up. I can't get any work done. I've been trying to write all day, but all I can think about is my impending camping trip. I've never been camping before, and I am rather concerned.

The reaction of most people who hear that I'm going camping is uncontrollable laughter. My aunt couldn't speak for almost a full minute when I spoke to her this morning. This is upsetting. What does everyone think they know about me? Is there indeed a complete princess lurking within me that will emerge in full shrill glory once the crickets start chirping? (That is what that chirpy noise is, right?)

I don't know where I'm going camping, but I'm in excellent hands -- my rock star friend T, who is basically the woman I hope to grow up to be someday, has taken me under her wing. That being said, if I know T, I think she wants to get me into the woods and then go all Blair Witch on me. She's totally sneaking some sort of camera equipment into the tent bag. Or whatever container holds tents.

Here are my concerns: 1. Bears (I am delicious, and surely wild animals can sense that as well as mosquitos -- I do have two things of Deep Woods Off for the latter issue.), 2. Going to the bathroom (There will likely be lots of drinking [and bacon] because I'm going with T, but where do I...go? My last experience peeing outside was in a field near Woof U at a particularly awesome party. I had to completely remove everything below the waist to assure myself that I wouldn't make a mess. This cannot be the only way. It was drafty and rather precarious.), 3. Sleeping on the ground (isn't it hard? wet? cold? bumpy?)

Basically all of these fears (I've limited my list out of a sense of shame -- yes, I have one) are based on the unknown. I'm hoping that I'm like Grizzly Adams reborn and I'll take to the woods like a Megarita to Chimay, but there is the lurking fear that I will become something dreadful and girly and whiny and, yes, get eaten by a bear.

Any tips welcome. ETD is Saturday lunch time (after stopping by a Big Gay BBQ in B'more -- if it's my last meal, I want it to be fabulous).